Flying by the seat of my hot pants.

Some say the beautiful stages of life occur in a circle.  The cracked tiles of heartbreak and the renewed polished mile markers of growth and improvement all mold together to form a comprehensive, circular pattern of life’s fabric.

On Friday, I will be 25, and while I feel blessed to have reached this mile marker of growth, I feel a nervous sense of confusion bubbling under the surface of my heart.  An immense amount of change will mark this year in my life.  Graduation, the beginning of my career and a possible relocation will stitch together the fabric of my 25th year.

While such life-altering events should excite me, they make me wonder: have I reached my own expectations or have I somehow slipped and missed an important chain link in the circle?

At 16, I was a planner.  My plans had plans and I believed I was on the track for an amazing career in fashion.  At 22, disillusioned and beginning down the dark path of heartbreak, I lost myself.  My love affair with fashion didn’t last.  I had cheated and found someone new I loved more.  Someone who pushed me to my limits and tested my abilities.  The art of writing and the beauty of words intrigued and challenged me.  Following this unexpected career realization, I knew my past plans needed revamping and restructuring.

As I look ahead to the new year of my life, I find myself completely open to the possibilities of my life’s circle.  Upon graduating, so many people ask: What are your plans?  What if, for once in my life, I’m not sure?  What if this time around, I am just open?   I am open to detours, alternate routes and even the possible bumps of going off-road.  While it is exciting to have no commitment to a particular form of writing, type of job position or living location, it is also daunting.  Does such an openness of possibilities work against me and cut me off from a life of goals and structure?  Should I have reached an important mile marker by the age of 25 and have a particular set of goals in mind?

Sometimes in life, a person needs to quit rehashing the past, forget about analyzing the future, refrain from attempting to figure out how she should feel and just go with the moment.  Seeing what happens is not about forfeiting the goals of your future, it’s about allowing life to happen as it should and being open to a new, or different link in the chain of life.

At 25, I’ve realized that my circle is only beginning.  As Marilyn Monroe said, I don’t want to make money, I just want to be wonderful.  I want to be wonderful both in my professional and personal life.  At 25, I’m a girl with huge aspirations and an even bigger heart.  At 25, I’m allowing the restrictions of structure to fall from my control and inviting life to take the reins.  At 25, I am the girl flying by the seat of her hot pants and I think that’s beatiful, and maybe even wonderful.


2 Responses to “Flying by the seat of my hot pants.”
  1. very happy birthday 🙂
    keep writing and inspiring :))

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