The possibilities of Wonderland.

“So many roads. So many detours. So many choices. So many mistakes.”

— Sex and the City

I started this blog on Christmas day 2010.  A little over one year ago, I was struggling.  I was searching like a mad woman for answers that could never be uncovered by simply picking up a rock or pebble on my path.  I was hunting, desperately at times, for my word: a single word to paint a comprehensive, beautiful picture of who I was and the stage of life I was in. 

I lost myself following a devastating break-up.  Rather than waiting for life to show me who I was, I put out my own missing person’s report and began my word search.  In my heart, these words were the map.  They were the legend.  They were the key to finding myself again.  Only, my heart was wrong.  After a while of aimlessly seeking such a tiny description to encompass a larger-than-life portrayal of who I was, I stopped in realization.  I wrote:

Maybe, as Elizabeth Gilbert said, I am ‘a woman in search of her word,’ and maybe a small part of me hopes to never find that definition.  To be restrained by a single word takes away from the beauty of change life has to offer.”

I would like to think that each growth stage we experience can be defined by a solitary word and like a mosaic, we can piece those descriptions into a beautiful, comprehensive image of who we are.

During my recent trip to New York City, I stumbled upon the word to define my current stage of life.  In the heart of Central Park, I stood breathless in awe of the “Alice  in Wonderland” sculpture.  As I posed for pictures and sat in wonder of my bronze childhood friends, I recalled Lewis Carroll’s words. Alice said:

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn’t be, and what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?”

 

The fantasy, wonder and playfulness of these words have stayed with me since childhood.  If I had my own world, I would live in wonder, in breathless awe of possibilities.  If I had my own world, I would dream with love and would understand that seeing isn’t always believing.  I would believe in the magic of today and the hope of tomorrow.

As my mosaic continues to be pieced together, I find myself adding new, precious tiles to its beauty.  I’m not where I want to be just yet but I’m realizing how amazing that in-between stage can be. 

Until recently, I only saw the horror of being stuck in the middle.  It’s the horrors of frustration that truly had me down.  I haven’t been able to touch my career just yet, but I can feel it, taste it and even see it.  I’m stuck in-between becoming the woman I have always felt inside of my heart, and being the little girl I once was.  As I remind my heart to carry patience and attempt to live in the moment of now, I find myself faltering when I witness those around me relish in opportunity and life stages I haven’t been able to reach just yet.  It’s as Carrie Bradshaw said, “Let’s be honest. Sometimes there is nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else.”

But I’m finding the beauty of standing in the grey area of the middle.  I’ve realized that this is my chance to dream.  To experience life is beautiful, but to be able to simply sit back and imagine the possibilities of life is an opportunity of wonder.  The days ahead of me are marked by living out my aspirations, but today I stand on the mosaic tile of “dreams” and I am in love with being a “dreamer.”

As the days of 2012 roll ahead, I am playing to the beat of my dreams.  Like Alice, I am creating my own world of wonder and when the time comes, I know I’ll be ready to dance along my own path.  Like the years that came before, 2012 will surely offer roads, detours, choices and mistakes.  Roads offer a path, detours give an unforeseen chance, choices thrive on imagination and mistakes make our fate.  But my 2012 will also offer the possibility of dreams, and that’s one beautiful tile to include in the mosaic of my life.

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Comments
One Response to “The possibilities of Wonderland.”
  1. Nataly says:

    I would really like to nominate you for the Versatile Blogger award. Please see here http://snippetsandglimpses.wordpress.com/2012/01/03/the-versatile-blogger-award-and-the-kreativ-blogger-award/ for details if you would like to accept. xo.

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