An invisible pain.

I think being taken for granted by someone you love is perhaps the worst kind of emotional pain you can feel.  You can be his best friend, his confidante and the person he misses the most and yet it means nothing when you’re in a room full of people.  He chooses to put you in the shadows or make you as invisible as his wine glass.  You can say the wittiest joke, make the most interesting comment and when it comes from you it’s just another comment from a mouth he’s tired of hearing.  But when it comes from someone else, it’s genius.  How painful is that?

He’s lost you once, he’s felt the pain without you, he’s made mistakes and in all of the pain he’s caused, you’ve found love for him again.  You don’t need the show or façade he puts on for everyone in the room, you want the him you go to bed with, the him who talks to you as if you’re so important to him or the him who laughs with you – really laughs until you both cry.  But in a room full of strangers, you’re the least important no matter how hard you try.  Those laughs you share are non-existent, those great conversations are lost with yesterday. 

You know the real him, with all his flaws and imperfections.  And he knows the real you with your own set of faults.  And you forgive each other for the unsightly blemishes because love overcomes you both.  And you wish for tomorrows together and enjoy the love of today because it’s beautiful.  Yet, no matter how social you are, or how much you attempt to make the best impressions, you’re lost with the wallpaper when it comes to the crowd.  Your attention doesn’t count anymore.  The team you’ve created suddenly turns into she versus him and enemies are formed.  You’re not looking to be the center of attention or steal the precious spotlight from him, you just want to share in the fun and happiness and catch those amazing laughs with him.  You want to enjoy him.  You want to create a doorway between both of your lives — a passage that allows you both to feel included and wanted in the separate lives you lead in your day-to-day. You want him to know that as the day settles and the room empties, you know him better than most and love him more than any could.  You want him to remember your amazing friendship and that he used to enjoy sharing the happiness of the crowd, and the memories made, with you.

But that doesn’t happen, and as you face the cold night air and drive home with the thumps of the rain in the background, you wonder, “When did I become invisible?”

And then the pain hits.

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Comments
One Response to “An invisible pain.”
  1. KayDee says:

    “He’s lost you once, he’s felt the pain without you, he’s made mistakes and in all of the pain he’s caused, you’ve found love for him again. You don’t need the show or façade he puts on for everyone in the room, you want the him you go to bed with, the him who talks to you as if you’re so important to him or the him who laughs with you – really laughs until you both cry. But in a room full of strangers, you’re the least important no matter how hard you try. Those laughs you share are non-existent, those great conversations are lost with yesterday.”

    So well written…sharply reminds me of a vital relationship I experienced which altered my personality and existence forever. These things haunt and linger in one’s heart and soul for so long to come…

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