Making it count.

My friends never cease to surprise me.  Somehow, in some amazing way, they are always there when I’m in need of a really good, nurturing, soothe-your-soul girl talk.  Last night was no exception.  Into the early hours of the morning, I spent time spilling my heart to a friend who I’ve been missing since she left Cleveland.  Sometimes in life, we need to be awakened by a little honesty and the good intentions of a friend.

In archived posts, I’ve spoken about my monkey mind – the always moving and swirling mind that jumps from one vine to the next, one problem to the next and never really takes a rest break.  I am burdened with an overactive mind of thoughts and worries and I never really give myself the time to just be still and enjoy the calmness of meditating my soul.  I’m also a visionary, which can be an amazing force, or one’s very own downfall, depending on how the gift is used.  I never stay in this world, in this moment because my feet are constantly dancing to the beat of the future.  When you dream as big as I do, you tend to place your excitement, hopes and mind in hands of the future.  Having goals and being a girl with huge ambitions is wonderful, but not if it comes at the price of the here-and-now.  I don’t, nor have I ever been able to enjoy the moment.  I am thinking about bigger and better things, about how to top myself next, and in doing so, the moments and memories of now slip through my fingers.

Last night, my friend reminded about the disservice I’m doing to myself as well as my body.  As I talked to her, my mouth and brain were moving a mile a minute.  As I paused for some much-needed air, I realized how right she was.  I’m sabotaging myself.  I’m ruining the present and at the very same time, I could possibly be damaging my future.  I’ve always hated the saying “take things one day at a time” but for a recovering monkey mind, I think this cliché is the only solution, and maybe even my very own saving grace.

When we polish our crystal balls and attempt to act as our own fortune tellers, we are putting a huge amount of unnecessary pressures on our shoulders and giving our todays away.  Much like Marilyn Monroe, I will always be impatient for the next step of my life to begin and a little insecure of myself.  I will always make mistakes and sometimes I will be out of control and hard to handle.  But I have a huge heart full of passion for life and hope for tomorrow.  I am learning, however, to make today and this very moment, at 3:51 p.m. on a cold December day, count.  It’s baby steps for now and hopefully a great purging of pressure in the long run.

And at the end of the day, I’m simply “a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.”  And that counts for something.

What are you doing to make your moments count?


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