Crazy little thing…

Our story was special.  I didn’t trust it.

Our love was surprising.  I didn’t understand it.

You swept me away.  I didn’t trust you.

A chapter ended.  I couldn’t understand it.

A new chapter began.  How do I trust it?

Love is a crazy entity and lately I’ve been realizing the depth of its insanity.  I never trusted him.  He was wonderful and yet I didn’t know how or why this trust wasn’t there.  I’ve spent the last few years reflecting on this loss of faith in us and the only conclusion I could ever come to was that it must be intuition, a strong gut feeling telling me not to fall completely, to love wholly. 

I believe in intuition, yet I never had any reason not to trust in our commitment and love.  I sat with my best friend today, my mom, and as always, she presented an entirely different take on a confusing predicament. 

I’ve never had a problem putting my faith into someone.  In fact, I am that girl who will trust wholeheartedly, blindly and sometimes, completely naively in someone, even if his story doesn’t quite make sense.  “But, you were never in love with any of those people.  This is love and maybe it scares you.”

Leave it to a mother to give the perfect insight.  Maybe I’ve been scared all along.  Maybe this crazy little thing called love came into my life at the most unexpected moment from the most surprising source.  It knocked me off my feet, brought me to my knees and led me places I’ve never expected to visit.  It drives me crazy, makes me smile and brings pieces of gratification into my heart.  It’s made me insecure at times and so confident at others.  Love is a great paradox, an infinite riddle and something I will spend my whole life both adoring and pondering.  It leaves me in amazement and its duality is its beauty. 

Since when did I allow myself to slink into the shadows of fear?  After everything I’ve overcome in the past few years, I would be doing a disservice to my recovery not to fall and just let go.   And why give up now when the story is just getting good? I’m the girl who’s ready for a challenge and looking forward to taking on the world.  I’m the girl who understands that life offers no guarantees and that sometimes we have to create our own path of opportunities and chase the craziest of dreams.  I’m the girl who is in love with love and believes that love is the first step in the pursuit of happiness.  And this girl loves him.  And maybe this time, I need to just trust in this crazy little thing called love.

 

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Comments
One Response to “Crazy little thing…”
  1. blackwatertown says:

    On the other hand – intuition – a feeling that something is not quite right – even though you don’t have the evidence. You could be wrong, but do not discount that strange sense that something is suspect.

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