Stand with me.

My life is a revolving door.  I watch new people burst through the entrance of my life with as much intensity and excitement as others have dashing for the exit.  Who said this turnstile was a free-for-all, anyway? 

I’ve realized I’m still that innate hopefully optimistic child who can’t wait to meet her next best friend.  It was on the playground of my first day of fourth grade I initially recognized how much I desired to bond with one person, to feel a close kinship with a girl friend.  I pictured sleep overs, make overs – any kind of overs really, just a friend with whom I could share my story and a few girly laughs.  I was always the new girl in school.  By fourth grade, my family had moved about six times and I had no idea how to throw down roots when I would soon have to dig them up again and prepare for the next bout of change. 

Using the wooden edge of the playground as a balancing beam, I quietly followed a tall blonde girl who, like me, was experiencing the first day blues as the new girl.  Donning a purple jumper and two friendly dimples, this girl was it.  My new best friend.  “Will you be my friend,” I shyly asked.  We were inseparable until senior year of high school and often shared laughs over the “will you be my friend” story.  It was a classic.

Only, sometimes in life, classics don’t last, they burn out with other relics of their time.  This was our story.  Our close friendship quietly morphed into an acquaintanceship and has now travelled into the dreaded Facebook-friends-only land.

This is life and as others make a graceful or not-so-graceful exit, new potentials run into the entrance of your heart.  Life has taught me so much in the past couple years.  Perhaps the greatest lesson of all was in learning how to be strong.  I had to learn that while it takes strength to hold on, it takes even more might to let go.  I’ve learned that if someone wants to walk out of your life, hold open the door for them.  Let them go.

And I have.  Since I was 16, the revolving door of my life took shape.  Fair weather friends came and left.  Some who left have recently returned.  While it’s difficult to say goodbye, sometimes it’s even more challenging to say hello again.  When we’re young, all we worry about is a few scrapes and bruises and we find it easy to pacify ourselves with some pretty Band-Aids.  As we get older, we know that bones break, hearts shatter and relationships end and a Hello Kitty Band-Aid won’t cover the damage. We surround ourselves with a little more padding to cushion the fall, a little more distance to soften the blow of the ending that may or may not come.

At 24, I’ve left the playground games in the past with my childhood.  I’m seeking something substantial, something beautiful from my relationships.  Hide-n-seek was fun, but chasing life and experiencing it with those you love is even more exciting.  As Carrie Bradshaw said, “I’ve done the merry go round.  I’ve been through the revolving door.  I feel like I’ve met somebody I can stand still with for a minute and… don’t you want to stand still with me?”

I deserve this moment to stand still with those that I love and to close the door.

2 Responses to “Stand with me.”
  1. Guiseppe says:

    One day somebody from somewhere will stand with you forever not just a moment or two.

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