A Lasting Love Affair

Since I was three, I knew what I wanted to do in life.  Yes, you read that correctly, a three year old with goals on her mind… it happens.  Around the table of a family dinner, an aunt asked all of the children what they wanted to be when they grew up.  Among the chatter were the typical responses of “teacher” or “nurse” but my answer, like always, was very unique from the crowd.  Imagine the shock and awe around the room when the shy three-year-old, the baby of the family, proudly and confidently claimed “fashion designer” as her chosen profession.

While friends were struggling to claim a profession during career week of high school, I stuck to my guns and quietly reveled in the security of my dream.  Fashion was it for me, the real love of my life.  I breathed it, I lived it and it was going to determine my life.  I had a true love affair with designers – from Vivienne Westwood to Alexander McQueen – I was swept away by the art and construct of their beautiful, groundbreaking visions.  I couldn’t wait for the day to share the catwalk with these geniuses of form and beauty.  I could practically smell the tantalizing aura of the avante garde displayed during fashion week.  I took each show in, eating each slowly, morsel by morsel, look by look.

Somewhere between my senior year of high school and the beginning of my first college year, I lost my confidence, my drive for fashion.  I was scared – could I ever find inspiration to reinvent and recreate magic in the fashion world?  Could I learn how to design my own patterns and to outthink the geniuses of my fashion era?  Was I even worthy to attempt to brand myself and my eye for fashion with the likes of predecessors such as Chanel, Givenchy and Dior?  I didn’t think so, and I quickly opted for an “easier” route in the field of fashion merchandising.  Merchandising was living Hell for me and the grind of retail slowly swallowed up my passion and left me feeling useless as a fashion forecaster.

I returned to college for a second degree and bounced back and forth between majors in a struggle to pinpoint who I was and where I was headed.  Finally I landed on journalism – not because it was my passion, but because it was a skill that came as natural to me as forecasting next year’s hottest trends.  While it was an innate talent, I hated writing, loathed every minute of painstakingly choosing the correct wording, the appropriate prose.  It wasn’t until I went through a dark period in my personal life that I realized maybe writing was a passion all along.  I needed it. A voice within came booming out through my fingertips onto my keyboard and soon writing was a beautiful life raft and a lifelong friend.  Now I cannot imagine a day without leaning on this amazing friend.  I’m having a love affair with writing, and I’ve never been happier.

I don’t write to stay in fashion or to chase the fleeting trend of today.  I write to leave an everlasting stamp on the world and to share an ongoing journey of life, as real and raw as it is.  I write to seek the map of my life and discern my destinations. I write to keep memories close to my heart and to enjoy life on a literary film strip.  I write because I love life, and as Anais Nin wrote, “I write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.”  I write to allow the beauty of my own voice to be heard in the loud chaos of the world.  I write to protect myself and my thoughts — my pen will always be mightier than any sword.  I write to feel: to feel the sun during times of darkness, to feel God dancing in my heart and to feel the hope and grace of a new day.  I write to live, to survive and to stay sane in a world full of craziness.  The trends of fashion may come and go, but my love for writing is unwavering and passionate.  In my world, writing is a label that will never go out of style and a staple that I will rely on each day.  Writing is my little black dress.


2 Responses to “A Lasting Love Affair”
  1. karmais says:

    You’re very good at it too ; ) Thanks for sharing!

  2. jordanleah says:

    Thank you, that’s so nice to hear! 🙂

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