Birthday Girl of 24

Well blogging friends, tomorrow is my 24th birthday, so maybe it’s time to change the title of my blog to “Saving my life at 24.”  But maybe not.  23 was a significant year for me.  Instead of wishing for a new bag or sexy stilettos, I blew my candles out last year wishing for salvation.  I thought I needed to be saved and was desperate for the Hollywood-esque romance of my own knight in shining armor.  He would carry me away from the memories of pain and fear and allow me to feel the sun again. 

I learned this year, however, that I didn’t need that knight or prince charming.  I needed me, only me.  I became the “administrator of my own rescue,” and suddenly life was on my own terms, to be molded only by my hands.  I was abused.  I was discarded, thrown away like yesterday’s garbage.  In that dark time, I finally saw me.  And the crazy part?  I liked who I saw.  This girl who for six years was criticized and emotionally mutilated was actually amazing.  All those things I thought I LOVED about my ex, all those things I thought I would die without, were actually my own attributes.  A typical narcissist, he held a mirror to my special qualities and reflected them as his own.  He took me, stole me away and tried to claim my soul. 

But in the end, he was the only loser.  I gained everything back and more.  I gained me and learned more about myself than I ever knew before.  As I move into my 24th year, I am surprised by what I see.  When I gaze into the mirror, I see a girl who conquered abuse and is ready for the possibilities of the future.  I am so excited to see what this new year of my life will bring and I am ready for the unknown.  As I walk forward in life, I realize there is no looking back.  I have no regrets about my decisions and feel thankful that I have had the opportunity to learn the things I now hold to be truths.  When the smoke of my birthday candles trails off into thickness of the summer air, I will wish for everything.  Every possibility and growing opportunity out there.  And this year, I will be ready for them all.

“Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same.”

–Audrey Hepburn

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