Little Boy, can’t you find Never Land?

“All children, except one, grow up…” –Peter Pan

“‘Puer Aeternus’– the eternal adolescent, the sempiternal Peter Pan – is a phenomenon often associated with pathological narcissism. People who refuse to grow up strike others as self-centred and aloof, petulant and brattish, haughty and demanding – in short: as childish or infantile.

The narcissist is a partial adult. He seeks to avoid adulthood. Infantilisation – the discrepancy between one’s advanced chronological age and one’s retarded behaviour, cognition, and emotional development – is the narcissist’s preferred art form. Some narcissists even use a childish tone of voice occasionally and adopt a toddler’s body language.” (Excerpted from “The Narcissist as Eternal Child,” Dr. Sam Vaknin)

When you’re with a Narcissist, it feels like a dream, but once you wake up you realize you’ve just made a dark trip of fantasy through Never Never Land.  From proudly displaying new Spiderman tees to jumping from dream job to dream job, a Narcissist cannot commit to the life of adulthood, or anything else for that matter.   Speaking in a childish whine and making demands on a whim, a Narcissist’s inner child never really shuts up.  From fire fighter to FBI secret agent *cue the spy music* to fashion designer (really?) to professional poker player (did he ever win, like ever?) my ex-N’s incessant dream jobs were laughable and his reality was more of a let’s-play-house-and-pretend ridiculous fantasy. 

While I have been to the darkest places and back through the past year, my ex-N never seems to experience that growth spurt he so desperately needs.  From a hospital visit, to abuse recovery sessions to training my own cognitions, my life has transformed—I have grown into a healthier, stronger, more adult version of the dreamy-eyed little girl I once was.  It may seem unjust or unfair that he has the ability to sit back and watch the pawns in his manipulative little game and never truly take ownership or responsibility of his own actions (and remember a Narcissist’s conscience is non-existent); however, he is only stagnating, never truly reaching those vital steps of human development we all must face.  When I sit back and reflect on his incessant aims to abuse and discard (don’t Narcissists have anything better to do?), my heart begs the question, “Peter Pan, will you ever grow up?”

(Images couresty of VisualizeUs)

One Response to “Little Boy, can’t you find Never Land?”
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