Single, Party of One: Life after the Death of a Relationship

Here it comes.  Wait for it.  The blow we have all felt at one time or another in life… the “it’s not you, it’s me,” or “I just need my space right now,” or perhaps the “We are madly in love, she’s getting a divorce to be with me…” Wait, maybe that was just my experience.  I digress. 

That moment of breaking up defies all laws of time and gravity as we know it.  That earth shattering moment in which reality cannot really be real, because my boyfriend cannot really be ending our six year relationship… can he?  Oh, he can, and he does.  Only in this reality, no ‘fade-to-black’ dramatic effect exists to signify to audiences an end to the painful break-up scene.  The cheerful, sunny “day after,” apt with birds chirping and life-as-we-know-it moving forward in a seamless manner of ease never truly comes; Hollywood can stuff it.

The days following the end of a real romance are anything but a pretty little package; they are, at best, sloppy.  The rollercoaster of emotions hits and leads you to the ride of “but-I-love-him-how-do-I-get-him-back?” which continues until you reach the always fun “I-hate-him-and-hope-he-jumps-off-a-bridge” wave of feelings, the latter of which is usually the bundle of emotions to embrace. 

New friends are made in this period of mourning, namely Ben and Jerry (however, if you are anything like me, Jack, Jose or Jim can also be your new BFFs during your post-break-up period).  It is in these vulnerable moments that the jerks Desperation and Sorrow creep quietly through the backdoor into your reality-both of which may coerce you into pleading and begging for a second chance with your ex, the most regrettable of all acts.

So the universal question remains: how do you fight Desperation and Sorrow and transition from society’s sought-after “couple” status to “Single, Party-of-One-and-Loving-Every-Minute-of-It” reality?  Take it from me, while it’s difficult to revel in such a painful transition of life, you can use a little perspective and *gasp* humor, to not only make it through, but to enjoy the ride of singledom while it lasts.

I have to admit, when Crazed and Confused, as I’ll call him, ended things last November I thought my world was over.  What happened to our plans?  What made him think it was completely acceptable to have at it with a married woman, who, let’s be honest, gives the term “attractive” an ugly name.  Once again, I digress. 

 The point I was missing during this time last year, was the upside of all whole ordeal.  Yes, I said upside.  The laws of dating are much like the law of physics: “for every action there must be an equal reaction.” Well, for every downside, an upside must exist.  And there was; I just hadn’t looked far enough. 

My upside came when I realized I was free.  Gone from my reality were the incessant arguments, the heap of dirty clothes, and the constant burden of carrying the weight of another’s happiness upon my shoulders.  The only happiness that mattered in these newly founded single days was mine and the Pomeranian’s.  And did I mention breaking up is by far the quickest way to lose those pesky 180 pounds you’ve been trying to ditch for years?  There you have it-upside!

 As a single girl in the city, let me be the first to tell you, dating is, well, a chore.  Let’s face it- I was never good at doing the dishes when I was a kid and dating is not my forte either.  If you are anything like me, you expect to ditch the dud and effortlessly find your real-life Mr. Big a la Sex and the City.  Unfortunately, life is not a saucy HBO sitcom and one must work to achieve the more meaningful things in life, like finding “the one.” 

Rather than be discouraged with Cleveland’s growing population of Jersey Shore rejects, I have learned you must have a sense of humor and have fun when dating.  This lesson was introduced to me the hard way when, after a series of horrendous outings, I was once again faced with a disaster date. Greasy, as I’ll refer to him, was an all-around jerk.  It was only minutes into the date that I fought back the tears of disappointment and excused myself for a smoke (a total lie).  Before I knew it I was running down the street in my six inch platform heels.  A sight, I know.  My first ever date-and-ditch.  The tears never came as my latest saga induced bouts of laughter over cocktails with the girls. 

The moral of the story?  While I shared amazing summers of romance with Crazed, I cannot remember laughing as much, or as hard, as I did this past summer of dating.  Who knows when my Mr. Big will make an appearance, but I’m having fun getting there.  If the transition between being someone’s better half to being your own best friend gets you down, just remember, we have to crawl before we walk.  And sometimes we have to run, even in our six inch platforms. 

Are your Louboutins marathon-ready?

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Comments
10 Responses to “Single, Party of One: Life after the Death of a Relationship”
  1. kluckmeister says:

    Hmmm hating on Hollywood but keeping up the hope of an HBO ending? I guess I can’t judge considering my friends and I are clinging to the hope of a real-life Entourage…

    Enjoy the freedom to have some fun and random experiences!

  2. I applaud you and it’s not just the running thing cause really, I doubt that I could run for my life let alone my mental/emotional wellbeing. However, I also want to say Right On, You Go Girl, Damn the Man- Save the Empire and all sorts of cheerleadery things. I don’t have what you seem to have in spades, and that’s the confidence to keep movin’ on. I can never seem to get past that “I hate him” feeling- it seems to stick around. And along with Depression and Sorrow, I get the lovely group of “What’s Wrong With Me?” and “Wah wah wah” and my all time favorite “Rage” that show up with Jack and Jaminson.

    I’ll keep looking for that upside- And I can promise to be back here to find some laughter again!

    • jordanleah says:

      Thank you SO much for your support, I am only too happy to make someone laugh from my crazy experiences! 🙂 And don’t worry, that “I hate him” feeling shows itself occasionally, but then I just remember HOW much better off I am and how CRAZY he is! You are right where you are supposed to be! “So just love, make mistakes, and have wonderful times, but never second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is you are going.” (Sex and the City)♥

  3. Great Post, Thx! Thank you for sharing this!

  4. hello, love from finland. your post looks great. Mind if i quote it in my blog?

  5. ex-ses says:

    Now this one is what I’ve been looking for. Would be giving you credits on the way how you deliver this great insight. Such an interesting story. Party Powder

  6. Thor says:

    Really Gr8 ! Thanks For sharing..

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