Somewhere in the middle.

lost

“Marco?” 

Silence.

“Marco??”

Dead air.

“Marco!”

 Stillness.  Nope, no “Polo” to my “Marco.”

It’s a never-ending game I play to locate the truth.  Where is the truth and more importantly, why is my truth always in hiding?

I don’t know where I am right now.  As everyone walks their own path, I’m lost somewhere, straggling the lines of unknowns and always finding myself somewhere in the middle.

As a writer, I want nothing more than to give this story the happy ending it deserves, to give myself the happily ever for which I’ve passionately strived.  Only the lines of the paper blur together, the ink runs dry and I find myself stuck somewhere in the middle of the story. 

I never asked to be saved and I never needed a savior.  I am the heroine of my own story.  But this heroine is tired of having her lines twisted, sick of feeling unappreciated and done with the constant noise and interference of outsiders.  This is my story and its beauty is worth hearing.  So why isn’t anyone listening?

Sometimes, I secretly wish I could be the heroine who cries for help and didn’t always have to be so strong.  Sometimes, I grow tired of trying to coax the truth from his hiding place.  Sometimes, I feel so left out and deleted from my own story.  And sometimes, I need nothing more than this love and my truth to find me and meet me somewhere in the middle.

“Marco?”

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Comments
2 Responses to “Somewhere in the middle.”
  1. Amy Lauria says:

    Polo.

    Everything you wrote, I have felt. Maybe more so lately. (Hasn’t been an easy summer) And for sure, I’ve felt those feelings on and off throughout my life. I am almost 42. And I am still in the middle of the story. One thing I’ve learned is that when I am most conflicted and lost–that if I step back and get really quiet, that I can hear myself. And if I listen ONLY to myself. What feels right to me. That I somehow find my way back on track. That I find peace. Also, I’ve learned that there are times I have tried everything, done everything, pushed hard. And nothing happens! And so I need to “let go.” To stop trying so hard to figure it all out. Instead, I sort of have to see what happens. Often there is an unexpected gift that comes out of nowhere…something I didn’t expect, wasn’t looking for…

    Keep writing. You have a special talent.

    • jordanleah says:

      Wow, this is such a beautiful comment that it brought tears to my eyes. It’s comforting to know someone else out there feels the same way I do. I’m taking your advice — it’s time to let it all go and see what happens. Thanks for your kind words.

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